Mum/Me

Now he's three

Today in the car, I said to Arran, "Did you know, you're my favourite little boy in the whole world?"

"Really?" asked Arran.

"Really really," I replied. "Of all the little boys in the world, you are the best one."

"I'm not the best ONE," he replied indignantly, "I'm THREE!"

"Of course! You're the best three then."

And he is. Of all the little boys I know, he is the very best one. I can't believe it's been three years since I lay awake even after a 24 hour labour and stared at this chunky baby in the cot next to me, both falling in love and feeling like something had just landed from another planet.

In those three years he has gone from being a tiny (yes, 9lb 7.5oz but still comparatively tiny!) and helpless newborn baby, dependent on me for everything, to being a real, proper boy who can walk and run and show me his 'groovy moves', who can open the fridge and drawer and help himself to a yoghurt and a spoon. A boy with friends, who goes to their birthday parties and squabbles with them over whose turn it is to hold the red car. A real little human with a cheeky sense of humour, a strong will, and an ever questioning, ever unfolding mind.

It's great fun being his mum. I love answering all his questions, having our funny chats and watching little lights switching on in his head.

Sometimes, too, he's still my baby and a bad dream, tumble on the gravel or the injustice of Luke holding the red car when it was his turn will see him crawl into my lap for a cuddle and reassurance.

Generally, he's happy and, normal toddler moments aside, easygoing. He loves to learn and the other day we had fun in the car thinking of rhyming words. It always amazes me when he 'gets' some new concept like this. I'm also pretty sure he's a genius. We do sums using Happyland people, and he can add one to any number. Or subtract one. Or get mixed up and do the opposite of either of these. Or say a random number,  and then call me a 'silly chops' and run away laughing. Genius I tell you.

He's very full of love and there is still no sound on earth as sweet as 'I love you Mummy'. He's also affectionate towards his sister and it's such fun watching their relationship develop as they giggle together.

I'm really proud of him, and feel so privileged to be his mummy. He makes me feel lucky every day.

I am not going to live in Chile for 25 months but I am going to examine my breasts for signs of cancer

There is another new Facebook status game. You've probably seen it - people are posting that they are going to live in certain country for a period of time. People get excited for them and then it all turns out to be a big game. Hiiiiilarious.

This game starts like all the others, with a message in your Facebook inbox proclaiming, 'Hey girls, it's that time of year again!' and then going on to explain that there is another new game doing the rounds, to raise awareness for breast cancer. To take part, you have to put in your status that you are going to a country that corresponds to a list of months for the number of months equal to your birth date.

The first (that I am aware of) game like this was where women were urged to put the colour of their bra in their status 'to confuse the men and raise awareness of breast cancer'. Next we had women proclaiming on Facebook, 'I like it on the table', because the message urged them to put a cryptic status about where they like to keep their handbag.

Putting aside the fact that 'that time of year' seems to happen several times a year now, I would really like to know exactly how this is supposed to raise awareness about breast cancer. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a miserable cow trying to spoil all the fun. I'm not averse to people having a bit of a laugh on Facebook, and certainly with all the other crap that goes around Facebook, this is just a drop in the ocean, but the fact that it purports to raise awareness about breast cancer really gets on my nerves.

I guess I have a raw nerve to get on. Ten years ago, my mum was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. Watching her go through two poisonous rounds of chemotherapy, major surgery and then months of daily radiotherapy was horrendous. Watching my curvy, happy, energetic mum turn into a pale, bald, frightened and very, very sick lady was so awful that I almost can't bear to type this.

I will type it though, because there is something really important to say. My mum was one of the lucky ones. She survived.

Not everyone is as lucky as her, and yet breast cancer is a disease that can be cured, if caught early. These Facebook games that claim to raise awareness are all very well, but what are they raising awareness of? The fact that breast cancer exists? I think we all know that, but what over a third of women don't know is how to help make that crucial early diagnosis. Even though one in nine women will get breast cancer in their lives, many women don't know how to examine their breasts, and many more know but don't do it.

Instead of posting some nonsense on my status in the name of breast cancer awareness, I want to do something different. I want to write a post that actually mentions the word breast (shock horror) and goes into details that may be uncomfortable for some. Because THAT is how to raise awareness.

How to examine your breasts

 1) Your breasts change during your normal monthly cycle, so it's important to examine them at the same time every month in order to accurately record any changes. About one week after the end of your period is best.

 2) Start by standing topless in front of a mirror. Raise both your arms and look at your breasts in the mirror. Look for signs of changes in the shape or size of your breasts. My mum's cancer was obvious as a mis-shapen area. Look out for changes in the skin on the breasts too, such as puckering, and any non-milky discharge from the nipples.

3) Take time to have a think about how your breasts feel. Is there any pain in your breasts, particularly any new or persistent pain?

4) Next, examine your breasts physically. This can be done standing up or lying down. Use the flat of your fingers and gently press and roll the tissue of your breast, starting at the top and working round in a circle. Repeat this in a smaller circle closer to the nipple until you have felt the whole breast area. Include the under arms as you have breast tissue here too. You are feeling for any lumps, bumps or changes such as thickening of the tissue.

5) Report all changes to a doctor. You can never be too cautious. Don't panic too much if you do find a lump; nine out of ten reported lumps turn out to be benign so there are many non-sinister causes, but it's always best to err on the side of caution. 

6) Don't forget, men can get breast cancer too, and 50% of those who do get it don't survive it, as they don't catch it early enough, so men, keep it in mind too.

 

Pic: My beautiful mum enjoying her grandchildren; a sight I never, ever take for granted.

It's all about me

I was really pleased when I came up with the name for this blog. Mum/Me being an obvious play on 'Mummy' and also saying that this is a blog about being a mum and being me. This meant, I thought, that I could post things other than mummy-related things. As it turns out, it's all about the children, because right now in my life, being a mummy is pretty much all-consuming.

Since I'm clearly not going to get around to writing anything about myself at any point, I am going to take part in a little game that's going around the blogs. I copied this from my friend Laura who has a truly inspiring blog. The post is a bit formulated but it was good fun.

The A - Z of Me

 ANORAK…Do you have a sad side? 

Can I just start by grumpily objecting to the word ‘sad’? I’m sure even the anorakiest trainspotter type finds their hobby to be a happy thing. I’m not a trainspotter (well, I do sometimes see trains but I don’t think that counts) but I have, in my questionable past enjoyed the odd RPG... (See how I hide my geeky admission in an acronym that I hope all you cool people won’t understand?)

BODY…What physical attribute would you most like to change?

Just doing a quick count from head to toe now, I can think of 15 things I would like to change about myself. I must be a repulsive monster. Most like to change? Probably my teeth (and that’s my own bloody fault for not wearing my retainer, so I get the added joy of heaping coals upon my own head. Stupid child.)

CELEBRITY…Which one would you most like to date and why?

I don’t really do slebs. So to speak. I barely know who most of them are. I have a bit of a mild thing about Colin Firth at the moment though, and I’m constantly in love with Matt Damon. Why? Um, guess.

DEBUT …Tell us about your first ever blog post. What made you start blogging?

First blog post was about Arran falling downstairs – it was quite an incident. I started blogging because my two main passions in life are my children and writing. Doing a mummy blog just seemed like a natural amalgamation of the two, and I hope that one day it will be nice to look back over.

ERROR …What’s been your biggest regret?

Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention. I’m not sure I really have regrets. Even though there are plenty of things that I could and should have done differently, each one of them has led me to where I am today, and I wouldn’t want to change where I am today so I wouldn’t change them, if that makes sense!

FUNNY – who’s making you laugh?

I love stand-up comedy. At the moment I’m finding Dara O’Brian funny. I also really like Bill Bailey, he’s so clever. My husband makes me laugh a lot. He’s very quick-witted and also very silly at times and we have lots of fun and laugh together most days. I think that’s so important in a relationship.

GRAND…If we gave you one right now what would you spend it on?

I’d probably pay for us all to go to New York and visit our family who are living out there at the moment.

HOLIDAY… What’s your favourite destination?

Brighton is our 'spiritual home’ and I always love going back there.

 IRRITATE… What’s your most annoying habit? 

You’d have to ask my husband. He’d probably say the fact that I am incapable of finishing a drink and leave cups and glasses everywhere with a little bit in the bottom of each one, and that I am incapable of wearing socks and leave discarded socks everywhere. Does anyone else find that socks give them the heebie jeebies? I just can’t bear them after a while. Those and polo necks. I am fairly normal apart from that, I promise. Oh, and I also eat very, very slowly which some people find a bit annoying.

JOKER…Whats your favourite joke {the one that makes you laugh every time you hear it}?

This makes me laugh every time, but it’s not going to work written down. Stef tells it really well. You have to blurt the last bits out. Q. How many psycho analysts does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis... MOTHER! .... LADDER! (See, doesn’t work in text.)

KENNEL… Do you have any pets?

No. I quite fancy getting a dog though and have always had animals growing up.

LOVE…Are you single, married, engaged, living with a long term partner?

Married.

MEAL… Whats your ultimate starter, main and dessert?

There are too many nice meals in this world to choose an ultimate starter, main and desert. How do you stack a delicious Chinese meal against a well-made lasagne? Or baked camembert against bruscetta? Can’t be done. I love food though.

 NOW…If you could be anywhere right now where would you be and who with?

Pretty much exactly what Laura (who started this) said – snuggled up somewhere peaceful with my family.

OFF DUTY…What do you do in your spare time?

Spare time? Pardon? Would that be the downtime between midnight and 5am then? Mostly I sleep, punctuated by waking up to resettle my baby daughter. I realised the other day that I haven’t slept more than two hours in a row for over a year now. So you can fuck off with your ‘spare time’ question. No, I mean clearly I blog and occasionally watch a bit of TV, but I just wanted to make it clear that this is not ‘spare’ time, this is officially designated ‘sleep’ time that I am giving up. I hope you’re grateful. No, sleep deprivation doesn’t make me grumpy at all, thank you. What do you mean?

PROUD MOMENTS …What are you most proud of?

My children. Without a doubt.

QUEASY …What turns your stomach?

People messing around with food. Foodfights or odd combinations of food or people with poor table manners. Once, a visitor to my house scraped cold soup off her child’s face with a spoon and ate it. That made me feel very sick. Also, the smell of coffee made me sick when pregnant and that’s never really gone away.

RELAX…How do you relax?

Playing with the children, exercise, listening to music, writing, watching TV, reading a book.

SONG…Whats your favourite song of all time?

This is like the meal question. I couldn’t pick one and I go through fads where I kind of fall in love with a song and listen to it over and over and over for a while. Leonard Cohen is a longstanding favourite of mine and I think Hallelujah is pretty epic (although I don’t think his is the best version of it). My favourite of his is probably ‘Anthem’ (and anyone who thinks Cohen is all about being depressing should listen to this uplifting track). Should I Fall Behind by Bruce Springsteen was a wedding reading for us and our first dance, so that’s pretty special. Even mentioning a few tracks though feels like a travesty. I might have to do a separate post on the best 20 tracks of all time or something.

TIME …If you could go back in time and relive it again, when would you choose? 

I would like to spend a day in my childhood again, relive my wedding and experience the moment when I met both of my children for the first time over again.

UNKNOWN…Tell us something about yourself that no one else knows? 

I bought a box of After 8 Mints for our guests who are staying with us at the moment, but since I didn’t actually tell anyone I am just busy scoffing them all myself. It’s got to the stage now where the box is too empty to produce, even if I fluff them up and space them out, so I’m really committed to devouring the rest of the box myself. Oh well. Does that count?

VOCAL…. Who is your favourite artist?

See ‘Song’ – I couldn’t possibly choose.

WORK….. What is your dream job, and are you doing it now?

Mother – yep. Writer – yep. Lucky, lucky me.

XRAY…Any broken bones?

Broke my leg when I was a baby. That’s what happens when you’re in the baby seat on the bike with your mum and a Landover skids out of control. Glad I can’t remember that. Broken ribs and toes since then but they don’t count as you don’t even get a bandage.

YIKES…What’s been your most embarrassing moment?

I embarrass myself daily. I once e-mailed my friend telling her about a boy I really fancied, and accidentally sent it to the boy. He did not reciprocate my love and it was a bit awkward. I can think of a few more, but actually repeating them would increase the embarrassment of each one, which seems counter-productive.

ZOO…. If you were an animal, which one would you be? 

I’d like to say a tiger, but probably a wombat.