The other day, I came into the bathroom to find Arran absolutely covered in my makeup. He'd gone with lipstick and a hell of a lot of a reddish powder, and looked like a scary killer clown doll boy. I should have taken a picture to illustrate this, but I was too busy freaking out about the emptiness of the not-inexpensive jars.
After attacking him with a flannel, we had the following little chat. Arran is in the 'why' stage now, where he'll ask you why and why and why until you get to the root of a question and it turns out you actually don't know anything at all. As you will see, as a model parent, I diligently answer as best I can, to help him understand the world:
Me: Listen, Arran, I know you've seen Mummy put on makeup, but you must never play with Mummy's makeup.
Arran: Why not?
Me: It's only for grownups, ok?
Arran: Ok. Does Daddy have makeup then?
Me: Haha! Erm, no. It's only for grownup ladies.
Arran: Why do grownup ladies put on makeup on their face?
Me: Because they want to look nice.
Arran: Why do they want to look nice?
Me: Um, (Oh God I don't really know!) It makes them feel happy to look nice.
Arran: Why does it make them feel happy to look nice?
Me: (Do I really want my child to think that looks are this important? That women paint their faces so that they can feel good about themselves?) Um, it makes them feel confident.
Arran: What's com-fim-dint?
Me: Um, sort of, brave.
Arran: Does the makeup make you brave?
Me: Yes, a bit.
Arran: So you wont be scared of any bears then?
Me: No, I'm not scared of any bears (see what I did there?)
Arran: I want to have some of your makeup then so I won't be scared of bears.
Me: No, Arran, remember I said you must never touch Mummy's makeup.
Arran: Why not?
Me: Because I said so. Now go and play.